Kat’s Corner

It’s now Tuesday morning, and I am headed out of here in about 33 hours or so to drive to Maine! I’m going to visit Mike for about 10 days. I’ll get to relax, and have an excellent time just hanging out! I honestly cannot wait to get there, even though I’m nervous as hell. Who wouldn’t be? Mike’s such a sweetie, and funny. He makes me laugh – even at myself. Instead of feeling stupid or worthless when I screw something up, I can just laugh it off because of him. It’s amazing to know how many of the old scars and fears he’s been able to strip away in the past few months. The doubts and insecurities are still there, yes. However, they aren’t nearly as strong as they used to be. Most of the time now, I can simply just shrug them away and smile. I know how he feels about me, and I am secure in that knowledge. It’s an amazing feeling.

The drive isn’t even scary. I know that it’s going to be one long-assed haul: about 18 hours of driving. Oy vey! But I’ll have my mp3 player loaded up, and cranked on full-blast – when I’m not on the phone with Mike. I love driving by myself on long trips, it gives me a lot of time to think and just enjoy the quiet. I know that the closer I get, the more I’ll be tempted to speed like crazy! I shall have to make sure to use the cruise control, and not get myself into trouble.

All of the pictures I’ve seen of Maine are absolutely beautiful. I can’t wait to just soak in the scenery, and the ambiance of it all. Of course, the way Mike describes it is amazing, as well. Hearing about places he loves makes them come alive in a way I can’t explain. Being able to finally see those places will be icing on the proverbial cake.

I know we aren’t planning anything in particular right now. We are going to mostly  hang out and relax, and just enjoy spending time together. He’ll likely take me lots of places just to sight-see and such. Beyond that, we’ll see what each day brings!

Happy holidays to everyone, since I likely won’t blog again until I’m already in Maine. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!

This morning, Gov Blagojevich was taken to jail on Federal Conspiracy charges. After a month-long court-appionted wiretap and investigation, he was arrested for attempting to sell Barack Obama’s vacated US Senate seat. He was overheard on the tap saying that the Senate seat “is a fucking valuable thing, you just don’t give it away for nothing.” He was also recorded saying that unless “I get something real good,” he would appoint himself to the vacancy. “I’m going to keep this Senate option for me a real possibility, you know, and therefore I can drive a hard bargain. You hear what I’m saying. And if I don’t get what I want and I’m not satisfied with it, I’ll keep it for myself.”

This is just… wow. I voted for this man when he originally ran for office. I know corruption exists in government, much as it does elsewhere. But this level of it boggles my mind. Did he honestly think he would get away with this? Well of course he did. How does anyone obtain that huge of an ego to think they are absolutely above the law, and can simply sell a Senate seat?! What a despicable man he has turned out to me. I’ve been losing faith with him over small things over the years… but this just takes the cake.

What has the world come to? I know, I know… I shouldn’t be so shocked. But it never fails to amaze me when I realize how low much of the population has sunk. It just goes to show what greed can do to a person.

As I sit here today, on Thanksgiving, I can’t help but be nostalgic. Thanksgiving has always meant a lot to me. It’s a wonderful reminder to take time to reflect on all you are thankful for, right? The past few months have been difficult for me in one way or another. Yet no matter how hard life can be at times, I still have one hell of a lot to be grateful for.

I am blessed to have some of the most wonderful, loyal and loving friends anyone could ask for. Many of you  have been in my life for years, and I know you always will be. Some of you are more recent friends, but that doesn’t make you any less important. Each of you hold a special place in my life, and in my heart. I mean it when I say I love you guys. Y’all rock, and make my life so much better than it would otherwise be.

I am blessed to have two beautiful and healthy (mostly!) daughters. My girls and I have been through hell and back, yet they are both well-adjusted awesome people. I am so proud of Ashley and Beka both. To this day, it still at times astonishes me to look at them objectively, and realize that they’ve turned out so wonderfully, in spite of what we’ve been through. It is humbling when I think about it, and I give thanks literally every day of my life that I have them.

I am blessed to have the most gorgeous granddaughter in the world. Jenna is such a joy, I can’t even begin to describe it. She’s this amazing little person, who already shows signs of how smart she is. She makes me laugh and smile, no matter what kind of mood I’m in. Even if all I want to do is curl up in bed and cry, Jenna can make me smile simply by climbing up in my lap for a hug.

I am blessed to be doing work I absolutely love… both paid work for Chris, and volunteer work for GeeksToGo. Both bring me much satisfaction, and both challenge my mind in different ways. Not everyone can say they truly love what they do. I am thankful that I can.

I am blessed to have someone in my life who makes me laugh, who makes me stop and think, and who makes old fears and doubts just disappear. ’nuff said on that for now.

No matter how hard life will get… always take time to remember there are things to be thankful for. Hold those things close to you. Peace be with you all. Blessed be.

This week, I am staying at my Dad’s house for a few days. You all know of the stress and chaos I’ve been through the last several weeks at my house. My girls and Jenna are my life, literally. They are my everything (almost… can’t forget a rodent!). However, there are times when we all just need a break.

Today, I was sitting here while my Dad was gone to town, and my Mom was napping. I was curled up on the couch with a magazine for a bit, and it dawned on me how absolutely silent it was in the house. Even the dog was sleeping! I tossed the magazine aside, and just let my mind drift. I spent a lot of time thinking about my life, my family, and an adorable mouse. It was so amazing to just have complete and utter quiet for once.

I also took a walk outdoors. For the first time in many weeks, I found my peace. I was easily able to center and ground myself, to revel in the beauty around me that my Goddess has given to me. My spirit and my mind feel completely restored. And – the happiness in my soul lately has multiplied during the time I have been able to finally carve out for myself.

Last year, I wrote what I felt was a beautiful tribute to my best friend, Nikki. Nikki was my best friend for most of our lives. We were sisters, period. We fought like sisters… and we loved like sisters. We were closer than many sisters will ever be, for sure.

Nikki and I were pregnant at the same time, due just weeks apart. The day she and her unborn baby were killed in the car wreck – 14 years ago today – a piece of me died with them. I nearly had Beka that day, even though I wasn’t due until Valentine’s Day. The doctor said that my body went into complete shock. It was all they could do to stop my labor. Thankfully, they did, and Beka stayed where she should be until it was time for her to come.

I wish I could describe Nikki so you could understand who she was. We were best friends for nearly 20 years. There wasn’t a single thing she didn’t know about me… good or bad. She knew my darkest secrets, my deepest fears, and my serious flaws. Yet she loved me fiercely anyway. She believed in me and pushed me to be so much more than I thought I could be. She was so beautiful, outside and in. I hated her for her hair!! My god that girl had the most perfect hair! LOL To this day, I can picture that wild long mane of curls. I used to spend SO MUCH MONEY trying to get perms that would do that to my hair. And of course, it never even came close.

On the inside, Nikki was shy and quiet. With me… she was the fun-loving, laugh-a-minute girl that I can sit here and picture so clearly. With Mike… she found the man who enabled her to open up and really BE herself. She wasn’t afraid anymore of being laughed at for her quirky sense of humor that never seemed to allow her to “fit” with others. She was always her true self with us, and we loved her for it all the more.

Nikki brought out the best in me, and the worst at times. She helped me through some of the worst times in my life… and I know she’s here with me for everything now. Princesses Jenna and Kenzie have the most awesome guardian angel ever known to mankind. Nikki will take care of them, and keep them safe. I know this, as sure as I know my own name. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

I love you Coley. I miss you so fucking much still at times. I am so blessed to have many wonderful friends… friends who love me, believe in me, make me laugh, help me cry. But there will never EVER be another you.

I love that I have so many amazing friends. Some are ‘closer’ than others, definitely. Anytime I hurt.. they hurt. Anytime I’m pissed… they’re pissed. Anytime I’m happy… they celebrate with me. And if I ever needed it, I know they’d have my back.

I was reminded of this just a little while ago, and was humbled by it. I’m not going to go into details about the situation, because it’s not something that needs to be made public. Let’s suffice it to say that I’m a very happy Kitty right now, for a few reasons. And one of the BEST friends I have was worried. He’s looking out for me, and making sure I’m going to be ok. And it seriously made me stop and think to realize he wasn’t kidding when  he reminded me that due to being in the Army, he knows how to kill a person with one finger. Knowing he would go to any length (not literally killing someone, but you know what I mean) to protect me, take care of me… was just… wow.

I am very blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. I thank my Goddess every day for allowing me to be on the path that I am, the one that has brought me such satisfaction and joy, and enabled me to meet all of you.

When it comes to money and greed, a little bit can certainly go way too far. A contractor in Ohio recently found $182,000 hidden in the walls of a home he was remodeling. He and the home owner could not agree on how to split the money, so they went to court. The money was traceable to a previous Depression-era homeowner. Because of the dispute, each of the 21 remaining direct descendants of the man who hid the money will now get a share, as well. Had the contractor and homeowner agreed to a split, the descendants would never have even known.

This just goes to prove the point that greed can and will rip you apart every time. The woman who owns the house now had full rights to anything found inside after the purchase date. She wasn’t legally obligated to share with the contractor, despite him finding it. Offering him even 10% of it like she did was very magnanimous of her, and he should have accepted according to some people. Since he did not, neither of them will get anywhere near what they feel they should have.

To look at it from another angle, she should have been willing to give him a bit more than the 10% she offered originally. After all… he didn’t have to even tell her about the money. He could have done what many millions of people would have: stuffed the money in his pocket and kept his mouth shut. This honest, hard-working man showed her the money, and therefore deserved a good share of it. After all, it was money she never “counted on” or “expected” to receive.

What are your thoughts? Should the homeowner have kept it all? Should she have shared more with the contractor? Or maybe… should neither of them get a share, and all of it should have gone to the descendants of the man who hid it to begin with?

They say nice guys finish last. That’s simply not true. It’s nice GIRLS who finish last. We are the ones who may be “ok” looking, or have less-than-’hawt’-bodies. We are the ones who have above-average intelligence. We are the ones who have huge hearts, full of love to give. We are the ones who are passionate, funny and would make amazing significant others.

Yet men don’t see those things. They simply cannot look past what they can physically SEE with their eyes, to look inside and see what matters. Sure, ask any guy. They are likely to tell you that personality and brains count. Then ask them to be honest with themselves, and ask them how often they look past the ‘wrapper’ to see that personality or brain.

One guy friend told me earlier today that I just needed to learn to deal with it, b/c this is the way society is. Whoa. Seriously?!

Yet another told me that the same is true of women: how we only care about looks, cars, and/or money. Again… whoa. I cannot name a single female friend of mine (and I have many, thanks to the Internet) who honestly gives a shit about any of those things.

The world would be a better place if we were all blind in a sense… blind to what’s on the outside, and blind to the physical attributes that too many people place importance on. What a beautiful place this would be if we could look at a person, and see what’s on the inside.

Until that day, I will remain focused on my girls, my friends, and my work. I don’t really have a choice, now do I?

She was having contractions, and was dilated to 1cm already. She lost her mucus plug the last time, a couple of weeks ago. She’s now on even stricter bed rest. She’s also on medication to keep the labor at bay… hopefully. She’s doing better, not having the swelling and pain/pressure. She’s emotionally down, of course. She feels useless, b/c she can’t really take care of Jenna. She feels she’s not a good “mommy”. I keep reminding her she’s a GREAT Mommy. She’s taking care of MyKenzie right now, doing what she has to do to get her here safely.

If it happens again, she’ll be hospitalized for the duration. I’m running on auto-pilot right now. When I get up, I shower and start the day ‘running’. I do the laundry, and clean up the house. I check my emails and such, and catch up on anything important. Then when Adam goes to work at 4:30, I am in charge of Jenna until her bedtime, b/c Ashley cannot take care of her and run after her. During that time, I also cook dinner and get after Beka to do the dishes. Once Jenna is asleep, I then do my work on GeeksToGo, and then start my paid work. During the work time, I’m checking emails, watching IRC, etc and so on.

Once all that is done (for instance, it’s now 7am and I just finished), I can sleep for a few hours. Then we start all over again.

She was rushed to Labor and Delivery again awhile ago. She was having the horrible pain/pressure again, and her legs were swollen so bad she could barely move them.

SHe’s actually in labor, having contractions. I’m waiting to hear if she’s dilated, and what’s going on. I’m stuck sitting home, with Jenna. If it progresses more, I’ll take Jenna to a friend of mine, and head to the hospital. They’ve got her on IV meds atm, trying to stop the contractions.

Please, if you pray… do so.