Tonight has been a very emotional night for me. I have recently connected with many old friends from high school via Facebook. Most of these people were good friends for so many years. Sadly, we lost touch and went separate ways prior to graduation. You see, I became pregnant with my oldest daughter during my senior year. I was extremely ill and in the hospital often. Instead of falling further and further behind in my courses, I elected to simply drop out. I’m not going to try to decide if I made the right choice at the time or not. It worked for me back then, and I’ve turned out pretty okay despite not finishing that year. However, this is not what I want to talk about at all…
One of my very best friends was a kid named Jimmy. I was a complete band nerd back then, and damn proud of it. I played clarinet in the concert band, flute in pep band, alto sax in jazz band, and was a Drum Major in marching band that last year. I LOVED band… every part of it. I was damn good at playing my instruments, and won many awards. However, I couldn’t hold a candle to Jimmy. This kid was simply awe-inspiring. He could pick up any woodwind instrument (or sit at a piano), hear a song on the radio ONCE… and play it. He could hear something, and just be able to reproduce it perfectly. He also, of course, ended up playing whatever it was over again, adding his own spin to it. His primary instrument was the flute, and it could bring tears to my eyes listening to him play. I am a music junkie, even classical. I have never met anyone else in my life who could do the things this boy could do.
Jimmy’s dream back then was to play for the Boston Pops one day. We never laughed at him. We KNEW he would make it there. I planned to be in the front row when he did. Not only was he a musical genius, he was one of my closest friends. Jimmy, Marti and I were the Three Musketeers. We were inseparable. Sure, we all had other friends. But the three of us were stuck together like glue much of the time. He always had this way of making me laugh, and not caring quite so much about what I looked like, how many friends I had, or whether my hair was big enough that day. (Remember.. it was the 80s!!)
Back to the present… I found Jimmy on Facebook the other night, and left a comment on his Wall. Earlier tonight, I received a message in my Inbox from his mom. I was shocked into stillness when I read that Jimmy had a severe stroke about two years ago. No one found him for more than 12 hours. He spent more than a year in Rehabilitation, and is still completely paralyzed on his right side… his dominant side. I quickly wrote Tanzy back, asking for more information, inquiring as to where he is and if he’d like visitors, and the like. She wrote back with more detail… and included something that chilled me to the bone.
When I read he was partially paralyzed, it didn’t hit me. Not until his mom spelled it out in black and white did I get it. Jimmy can no longer play music. It’s just… gone. To know that someone like him… someone who could bring you to your knees with a few notes played on an instrument… would never again be able to play made me completely speechless. I sat here crying quietly, for what my friend has had to go through, and for what the World has lost because of it. I truly believe with all of my heart that Jimmy would indeed have played for the Boston Pops one day.
After spending time dealing with the emotions of this revelation and making plans to call my old friend tomorrow, it hit me… I am OLD. I will be 39 next month. I know, you’re laughing and shaking your head. You know that 80 may be old, but 39 certainly is not.
I beg to differ y’all. 39 is old, at least in the way I’m thinking right now.
Jimmy was 36 years old when he had his stroke. Another girl I went to school with died this summer of a massive heart attack. Michelle was gone instantly, at the age of 38. Another long-time friend died a few years ago, at the age of 35. He dropped dead instantly… from a heart attack. I could list another four or five people, but I think you’re starting to see the pattern here.
I have taken my so-called “youth” for-granted for far too long now. I realized tonight that I have to stop thinking that I am still young enough not to worry. I can no longer put off taking care of myself. Yes, I know I should have been doing so all along. Be honest, though. How many of you have always had a healthy diet, exercised regularly, and took perfect care of yourselves? Most of us simply coast along, taking care at times, and waiting for “someday” to get serious about our health and well-being.
Someday is here, folks. MY someday is here. I have beautiful daughters and granddaughters who need me. I have family and friends who want me around. I cannot take the chance that I might be ok. I have to DO SOMETHING to make sure I am. I have no idea where to start, I admit it. I know I need to exercise. I know I need to eat healthier. I likely also need to visit a doctor, and have a complete physical with the works… Cholesterol screening, Diabetes screening (my sugar has always run too high, and Diabetes runs in my family), and more. I am going to spend some time tomorrow making notes, and figuring out a plan… after I call Jimmy and make plans to go and visit him.
Please, take care of yourselves. Stop thinking you have all the time in the World. Too many people are dying young… their lives snuffed out before they even lived what should have been half of it.
Tags: age, aging, blood-pressure, diabetes, diet, exercise, health, heart-attack, old, stroke, womens-health
January 13th, 2010 at 5:48 am
Really moving and quite tragic post Kat. While I hope 39 isn’t “old”, I don’t think its ever too early to start taking care of ourselves, but like you said, people put it off as something to “start next year”.
I had a class-mate from college just drop dead in a record store when he was 17, the human body is a complicated thing I suppose. We can do things to minimize risk though. Your plan of getting a full check-up sounds great, it will put your mind at rest a lot.
Too bad about Jimmy, its great you’re getting in touch again though, I’m sure after an ordeal like that it will mean a lot to him. Keep us updated.
x
January 13th, 2010 at 7:10 am
I will be 36 this year and this post is a much-needed reality check! I have been promising myself to live healthier for years. I already feel like some of my not-so-healthy habits are catching up with me.
January 13th, 2010 at 7:49 am
That reminds me of when I first got out of the military. As I was a medic I spent some time working at nursing homes as a certified nursing aide. I watched many men and women get put into our care and slowly deteriorate.
One that sticks out in my mind was a gentleman named Mr. Deeter. We called him “Judge Deeter” because, before the Alzheimer, he was a circuit court judge for many years. When he first came to us, he would sit at the piano in the dining room and play the nicest music you could ever hear. As his disease progressed, he slowly lost the ability to play and eventually forgot what a piano was.
Working in a place like that makes you realize your mortality. As Americans, we treat our elderly with so much disrespect compared to other countries who adore and celebrate theirs. I miss sitting on the front porch of the nursing home and talking to some of them, those that still had their cognitive abilities, about their lives and America’s past.
January 13th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
Lies.
February 6th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
I beg to differ on the definition of old. It is a mindset because I have a couple who are close friends of ours at 70 and 80 years of age. They still travel, working in their Young Life ministry (they go to Denver every year), and they are always cooking, always moving, always engaging.
I turned 40 in November. I look at what you have done, Kat, and I would have liked to have the same career as you did; being involved in many areas and enjoying the ride. However, my ADD and my impulsive behavior kept me from completing tasks to get me there. So, I have to recognoiter, find out what I really want, and REALLY WANT it.
You have to look at what you have accomplished in the last 39 years. You are a mother, a grandmother, and you have an awesome career which you enjoy. So, from that perspective, it might seem like your “old” since you have been busy, but I propose that we have only seen a small “kitty”. A seasoned Kat is surely to arrive in good time with the same bubbly spirit.
On the health issue, taking care of yourself is either a natural tendency or something you have to work at. It depends on your lifestyle, environment, etc. and it does not depend on your age. People who were dealing with chronic issues such as obesity in high school now sport a healthy body. However, those who were healthy in school might have an issue with their weight (That’s me!). So, don’t think that because you are 40 that you have “taken your youth for granted”; your focus has changed to include your health as an important part of your life. You are now WANTING to take care of yourself; your age and the tragedy you faced is only the triggering factor. It does not make you old.
As for your friends, you need to take the time to mourn and go through that process. You CANNOT skip this most important step; I have only lost my grandparents, and my Mom is the only closest friend I have. However, I have many family and friends who have lost someone, and they went through the process (as I type this, our neighbor lost their dad last week and they are going through the process). From what I read, you have some great memories to anchor your grief. I would suggest pulling out a photo of your friends (I would recommend group not individual photos – email me for explanation). Some people can use the photo to motivate themselves in completing a task that is outside their comfort zone (ie diet, exercise). The photo provides an “audience” and reaffirms your commitment to the task.
Mourn, strengthen, and commit to change. As I stated before, I’ve only seen a little “kitty” and a much greater Kat is on the horizon.
Dino
February 7th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Kat, start where you are now. As I stated in another post that evidently didn’t get posted (see my email), we have only seen a little Kat, and there is a greater Kat coming!
Happy birthday to Beka!
Dino